


Love the broken parts you carry

by 20ProudSlytherin05



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, F/M, Happy Ending, TW: suicidal thoughts, allura misses altea, lance has depression and maybe anxiety, pre-season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-15 07:27:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13608489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/20ProudSlytherin05/pseuds/20ProudSlytherin05
Summary: Lance couldn’t breathe. The walls pressed in. He could breathe now, but it was coming too fast, too fast. Everything was too fast. He wished it would slow down.





	1. Lance

 Lance often fixated himself on things to remind himself of who he was. If you were to say Allura was one of that fixations? Well, you wouldn’t be entirely wrong. He talked to fill the void of silence, flirted to cover up his insecurities. But that didn’t count for all of it.

Because damn, was Allura pretty. And smart. And amazing. She was everything Lance could ever want in a girl, but he had to open his big mouth and ruin everything and now she hated him. Probably — whenever he tried to even talk to her, she shut him down. Boy Who Cried Wolf, huh?

Lance poked absentmindedly at his plate of goo. It was breakfast, so only half the team was here — Pidge, Keith, and Coran. The others were chatting, so he focused his brain on that instead of thinking. He hated being left alone with his thoughts.

“I’m just saying that the Kenaf plant looks just like weed and therefore must be weed and I want to find a goddamn way to high in space.” Pidge was waving her fork around for emphasis with every word.

Keith was also waving around his fork and they looked like they were having a battle with utensils. “I’m just saying that a, you’re underage, and b, if we wanted to grow fucking weed in space we could grow fucking weed in space because who’s going to stop us? Zarkon? I’d like to see him try, the bitch.”

“Did you just call Zarkon a bitch?”

The door opened before Keith could respond. Allura walked in and Lance lifted his head up from where it was in his arms. A pickup line instantly flew to his lips and he stopped himself and sat up.

“Paladins, we are going on a reconnaissance mission to the planet of Xiy. We’re not sure if anyone lives there, but from what we’ve picked up, it’s under Galra control. We’re all going to scout out the area, drive out any Galra there, and hopefully make contact with any creatures or other alien races living there.”

Lance jumped up and winked at Allura. “Let’s go, team!”

 

* * *

 

 

After suiting up and getting inside their lions, they started their trek. Hunk and Pidge were arguing over cocaine cookies (“That’s not okay, Pidge!” “No, it’s genius!”) over the intercoms and Lance was scanning the area.

“Hey, we’re getting close,” Shiro’s voice came over the com. “That planet right there.”

“Uh…” Lance interjected. “Are we sure? Because that planet looks dark and creepy and pretty much the _opposite_ of any place I’d ever like to go. Like if I wanted a vacation spot, I’d go to a place that didn’t look like where any person in any horror movie ever went to get stabbed.”

There was silence because Lance was totally right. The planet — even from a distance — was dark and smoky and generally felt icky.

“Lance,” Allura said irritably and Lance flinched a bit. “You’ve handled worse — besides, it looks that way because of the forests on the planet. The atmosphere should be breathable and—”

Her voice cut off and static filled Lance’s ears for a moment before she could be heard again.

“—We’ve been over the—”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Lance interrupted, holding up a finger even though he was aware she couldn’t see him. “I couldn’t hear you in between. What did you just say?” And even though it was a tense situation, he couldn’t help it. “That better not have been a love confession.”

Hunk groaned over the intercoms. “But seriously, we—” Static. “—around.”

“Guys,” Lance kept his voice calm even though he felt very panicky. “Can you guys hear me?” 

There was a moment and then he heard Shiro’s voice in the middle of saying something. “—turn back, we can’t—” Static. “—all—”

That’s when it hit. All of a sudden, there was no static, no voices, no comfortable silence over the coms. A moment later, red flew up on the screen and he felt rather than heard Blue panicking. Yelling — the teams? Allura’s? His own? — happened for a second and then the lion’s alarms went off.

Lance tried to stand up, to get out, but the lion shook and the next thing he knew it was falling. Falling down. Crashing. His lion was _crashing_. _His lion wasn’t responding_.

Blue struck the ground and Lance felt himself fly forward. His head smacked against the dashboard and pain spread through his forehead. He put his hand to his forehead and even in the dark lighting, he could still feel the sticky sensation of blood.

“No, no, no, no,” Lance murmured, looking around. He was far enough away from any of the other lions to not be able to see anything. He climbed out of his seat and tried to open the door. It was stuck. _The door wasn’t opening._

“Nonononononononononono, _fuck_ no,” Lance was practically yelling now. He pulled again but fell backward and narrowly avoided hitting his head again.

Silence. Lance started hitting things in that nervous tappy motion that always made Allura snap at him. He almost instinctively stopped, but couldn’t right now. He needed noise. Noise.

Wasn’t that all he made? Noise? People always told him to stop talking, be serious, but all he could really do was talk. He was useless, always had been. 

Lance stood up and shook his head. This is why he hated being alone, hated thinking. All of his insecurities crowded into his mind. At home, whenever he got like this, his mother or oldest sister would wrap their arms around him, hold him close, whisper “you’re going to be fine” in his ear.

There was no one to do that now.

Lance itched the insides of his wrists, then forced his hands into fists. Okay, so… ten. Twelve? One three two. Eight. Numbers. Static. No.

He sat down hard. This wasn’t working. He tried using the communication on his helmet, but it was unresponsive. All communications were down. Fucking great. It had already felt like hours, and it was probably at max only a couple of minutes.

Lance had all sorts of nervous ticks. He didn’t have ADHD, like a lot of doctors had tried to label him as. He just used small little fidgets to fill the silence so that he wasn’t ever doing nothing.

Things like bouncing his knee. Tugging at his hair. Tapping his fingers. Small talk. Pacing. Twisting things between his fingers. Fidgeting with things in general. 

Allura hated those sorts of fidgets, and always told him to stop. Most of his siblings got annoyed by it too. Keith hated it, and Shiro often mistook it as a sign of him being bored.

However, Pidge, who was always working on something and always twisting things together and constantly thinking, understood and never snapped at him. Hunk often gave him stim toys and such to keep him from tapping things. Some people understood.

Allura never did, and Lance could never really tell her, could he? He just always winked and flirted, smiled and played along. Goofed off. Never took things seriously. Was always the useless one.

Lance hunched over feeling his eyes burn. The walls seemed to be pressing in on him. If only the lion was responsive.

_Blue. Blue, talk to me,_ Lance thought furiously, trying to keep his tears from falling. _Blue… just…_

Seconds.

Minutes.

Hours.

Was it hours? God, it felt like hours. Lance couldn’t breathe. The walls pressed in. Was he claustrophobic? No, but right now he felt claustrophobic. He could breathe, but it was coming too fast, too fast. Everything was too fast. He wished it would slow down.

Lance had pushed up his jacket sleeves and had started scratching at his forearms. There were cuts there, too — they were old, they were old, but they were still there. They still itched, sometimes. Tears were still rolling down his face.

A loud banging came on the outside of Blue and Lance jumped up and ran to the door. There was a crunching sound and the door opened. Allura stood there looking worried, and Lance had never been more relieved to see someone.

Lance tackled Allura with a hug, nearly knocking her down and clinging to her. He wanted to say something, but he was still crying and he tried to stop.

After a minute (he assumed Allura didn’t pull back because she was startled) he stopped crying and stepped back. “S-Sorry. I, um, let’s get back to the team.” Lance hated his voice for wavering.

Allura looked startled. “Lance, were you c—”

“Let’s get out of here.” He was too abrupt, too loud for him to be subtle. “I hate this place already. How did you get here?”

“A pod was launched. We’ll be able to transport the lions separately, but we have to get back first. Your lion was the last one found — it was the furthest away.” Allura sounded so soft, so sweet, and it would be Lance’s dream if it were for any other reason then her seeing him break down. 

Instead, he smiled weakly and pushed past her. “Well, let’s get back then, shall we? I’m sure… sure you’re eager to spend time with me.”

One final tear rolled down Lance’s cheek, and he made sure the princess didn’t notice.


	2. Allura

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because it was an impulsive decision, and Allura didn’t usually act on impulses. But if this was the way they turned out each time, she’d be reckless. She’d be wild. Because she liked the feel of this, how this happened. They were both a little broken. But then again, two broken pieces made a whole.

Allura sat in her virtual simulation of Altea. The wind blew her hair everywhere, and the flowers in the field blew away, their pink petals blowing up, up, and away. It was immeasurably sad, seeing Altea and yet never being able to go back, to see what was there, what might have still been standing.

She gently picked up a flower, staring at it for a moment and then blowing it away, wishing for a chance to go back and redo everything. Everything? Everything might be a bit extreme. Allura still treasured the moments she had with the paladins, even through what all brought them together.

Allura sighed, dropped the stem she was still holding, and then dropped her head onto her arms, which she wrapped around her knees.

“Hey, Princess.”

Allura whirled around, on her feet and visualized a sword in her hand. After Alfor’s hologram being broken, the simulation had re-connected to Allura’s mind instead and gave her full control over the simulation.

She had the sword underneath before the intruder’s throat before she realized who it was. Allura dropped her sword arm and scowled. “Lance.”

Lance had his hands up and slowly scooted forward, as if approaching a predator. “Just wanted to check in, no need to nearly decapitate me. How’s it going, Princess? You seem pretty down.”

“It doesn’t really matter, just reminiscing. I miss Altea sometimes.” Allura felt a little tickle itching the back of her throat and she forced it down with a smile. “Besides, you’ve seemed pretty down too.”

There was silence, and Allura glanced over but was met with a smile. “Just been sad ’cause you’ve been avoiding me is all.”

Allura’s first instinct was to just roll her eyes and brush it off but she reached out and touched Lance’s arm. “Listen, if you told me what was wrong, I could help. I’m not useless, you know.”

Lance shook his head. “This isn’t about me. You’ve been moping in this simulation for, like, days. Well, not literally, but this is all you do in your free time. What happened?”

Allura sighed and hunched her shoulders. “I just miss Altea, you know. It’s gone. All that was left of my father… I destroyed him. Everything’s gone to… what have you humans said?… gone to shit.”

Lance laughed, but it was short and soft. Allura almost expected him to make a snarky comment or say something, but instead an arm reached around her and pulled her into him. She startled and tried to push away, but Lance held her firm.

“Listen, Princess, I’ve been homesick my fair share as well,” Lance said, and he sounded softer then Allura had ever heard him. “I have, like, four sisters, and two brothers. I miss them all more than you can imagine.”

And Allura started to relax, and then her shoulders hunched and she took a shuddered breath. “I just… I didn’t…” she wasn’t even sure what she was trying to say, but she wanted to say _something_ but it just came out as half-sobs and broken words.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Lance said, and turned her so they were facing each other. He put his hands on his shoulders. “Don’t make excuses. Sometimes you just need to cry.”

And so Allura did, and Lance hugged her. It was odd, not having to push Lance or snap at him like she normally had to. He was nice, and understanding. After a few minutes Lance pulled her away gently and looked at her. She averted her eyes. It was strange, looking at someone after crying on them.

“Can I braid your hair?” Lance asked, reaching forward and lifting up her face with a finger. “I did if with my sisters all the time.”

Allura batted his hand away, but smiled and ducked her head, turning around so her hair was facing him. “Sure. I have a lot of it.”

“You do,” Lance laughed, and it sounded suggestive, but Allura didn’t have the energy to decipher what he meant, if it even made sense, and yell at him. Instead she just sat and let him braid her hair.

It was silence for a few moments, and then Lance started talking. “Listen, you spilled to me, I spill to you, okay? Um, so, I don’t really like the silence. I don’t like my own thoughts, so I just talk. That’s why I talk so much, I guess. So I don’t really just want to sit here, so I’m going to talk about my family, since that’s always safe ground, I guess. I really miss them.”

“I understand that,” Allura said softly. Lance wasn’t even tugging that harshly. It was just gentle pulls, criss-crossing her mountains of hair.

“Yeah, so, um. My oldest sister’s name is Kayla? She’s really nice, I guess. She’s super into fashion and stuff — she’s the one who got me into facial care and nail-painting. I actually paint my nails with clear polish to keep myself from biting on them, and it makes them look shiny. Whoops, sorry, back to my family. My mom’s really nice. She’s Cuban. So am I. You wouldn’t know what Cubans are, would you? Cuba is a country of Spanish-speaking people…”

Allura decided she liked listening to Lance ramble. She found it annoying a lot of the time, but now, it was nice listening him fill the quiet with anecdotes and his getting off track just to jump back. He seemed to be taking his time with her hair, and never really expected her to talk. Allura was grateful for that, because she didn’t feel like talking right now. If she even said a word, she would break down again, which she couldn’t afford to do currently.

“…Princess?”

Allura blinked and realized Lance was addressing her. “Yes, Lance?”

“Do you have a hair tie or something? I need to tie your braid. I could just unravel it, but I think it looks nice.”

“Oh- oh! Of course.” Allura fished a hair tie from around her wrist. “I keep them on me so I can put my hair in a bun. It always gets in my face in my suit.”

“And… done!” Allura heard a snapping noise and was sure Lance had just done some overdramatic hand movement to symbolize the end, as earthlings often did. (But mostly Lance.)

Lance appeared in her field of vision, and she blinked and looked up. He was smiling and extending a hand. Allura took it and hoisted herself up. She brushed off her dress and smiled at him. “Thank you, Lance.”

“No problem! I’m always here,” he grinned.

Allura hesitated, unsure of whether to say something or not, flashing back to a few weeks ago, when she thought Lance was crying in the lion. “Just know… just know that I’m here as well if you need anyone to talk to as well.”

Lance tugged on the sleeves of his jacket, and smiled not very convincingly. “Sure, Princess.”

“I’m serious.”

“Yeah, and I’m the best paladin of the team. Listen, _Princess_ , when have you ever wanted me around? Ever wanted to talk to me? Face it, Allura-” for some reason, simply saying her actual name packed more emotion then ‘Princess’ ever could “-I’m just here right now because I’m falling in love with a person who thinks I’m nothing but garbage, and you’re just letting me stick around because you’re sad and just want someone to cling to. Tomorrow, if I approached you? Please, you’d shoo me off!”

There was heavy silence. Lance had taken a few steps back. Allura had taken one forward. 

“Lance…”

“Forget it, Princess.” Lance turned and started to leave. Allura panicked and grabbed his arm. He stopped, but didn’t turn back, didn’t face her.

Allura pulled him to face her. Lance wasn’t meeting her gaze. She stepped forward. His eyes traveled up to her own, and they were staring at each other, and they were so close, so close.

Allura wasn’t quite sure what made her do it. But she closed the distance between them, met his lips and she didn’t want to say anything too cliche, but this is what her life had been building up to, wasn’t it? Arms wrapped around her and pulled her closer and it was warm, warm, warm. Mouth opening, pressed against each other, and it was filthy and amazing and Allura never wanted to stop.

Because it was an impulsive decision, and Allura didn’t usually act on impulses. But if this was the way they turned out each time, she’d be reckless. She’d be wild. Because she liked the feel of this, how this happened. They were both a little broken. But then again, two broken pieces made a whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So um https://i.pinimg.com/originals/22/44/38/22443878ae780fdbdcac9c43cac45a2e.jpg is where the braid Lance did is because I think this one looks super fucking cool
> 
> Follow me on my Tumblr because that's where I am 24/7: cs68127

**Author's Note:**

> So as Allurance is my newest YES ship, here's some. I'll have the next chapter up in a few days 'cause for the first time I'm not feeling lazy. (Let's just pretend I know what formatting is)


End file.
